One Last Time
by faLLeng0ddeSs
Summary: Pansy " I'd Like to say a few words to you please listen for awhile... this concerns the man i love the one who made me smiel.." Hermione "Pansy's dying..." she cried... please read and review!
1. Default Chapter

One Last Time A/n: I'm having writers block with my other story but I promise I'll continue it.. Hope you guys enjoy it. Just review and if you have any ideas please don't be afraid to give me some. oh and I need your advice too. Thanks! ( The poem here was not made by me. I hope you guys like this. NOTE: poem, normal lettering. you'll get it. ( Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. One Last Time  
  
The Truth Behind It All: Pansy and Her Feelings  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ I'd like to say a few words to you, Please listen for awhile.  
  
Pansy flipped her auburn hair over her shoulders and knocked gently on the door. She straightened her blue plaid skirt and pursed her lips waiting patiently for the door to open. Just then a brown haired girl opened the door staring straight into her eyes, glaring.  
  
"Parkinson.." Hermione looked at her puzzled for a second and then she glared, "what do you want?"  
  
"I want to talk to you." Pansy said hoarsely.  
  
"We have nothing to talk about." Hermione said haughtily and was about to close the door when Pansy stuck her foot out to stop the door.  
  
"Believe me Granger, we have loads to talk about." She whispered through gritted teeth.  
  
Hermione raised her eyebrow and pushed harder trying to close the door.  
  
This concerns the man I love  
  
The one who made me smile.  
  
"Its about Draco." Pansy whispered looking down and then she looked straight into Hermione's eyes. Hermione saw that Pansy was serious, her eyes showed signs of loneliness, heartbreak, sadness, sorrow, pain and loads of those sentimental emotions.  
  
"Okay.." Hermione pulled the door open, "come in.." Hermione ushered her into the Gryffindor common room to let her sit on the red couch. Pansy followed Hermione into the room. She couldn't believe she was doing this, FOLLOWING a Gryffindor around, in the GRYFFINDOR room, she wasn't herself lately.  
  
She sat on the couch and looked around, it was all red and gold. She felt warm and safe here, in the GRYFFINDOR ROOM compared to the cold damp dungeons of Slytherin where danger lurks behind every closed door. 'what has gotten into you?' she thought to herself.  
  
Hermione stared at Pansy long and hard. Pansy's eyebrows were knitted in confusion as she looked around the room. Pansy shook her head and looked down at her hands.  
  
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked. Pansy's head snapped up and looked at her.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"So what did you want to talk about?"  
  
"Draco.."  
  
"I know that I mean what about him."  
  
"Well you see. uhm. I really have to tell you something.. The way I'm feeling, because I really need to get this load of my shoulders and I cant really tell Blaise (a girl..) or Millicent without them spreading it out you know.."  
  
"And where is the part where Draco comes in.."  
  
"You're being cocky! I just wanted you to know that though it seems I did not love Draco.. I did."  
  
"We all know you did, you were all over him.." she sneered.  
  
"And he loved me. Outside we acted the way we were told to act and inside we showed how we really felt about each other. I knew that and he knew that. and I just thought that you should know too."  
  
He loved me once not long ago, But that was just before.  
  
Pansy took a deep breath and told her the story.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Pansy stood on her toes and kissed him gently on the lips, smiled, turned and ran down the stairs out the Astronomy tower.  
  
Draco placed his fingers on his lips where Pansy left her kiss. He smiled and he knew he liked the feeling. Pansy wasn't really all that gorgeous when they were in first year. But once she hit puberty she grew into her pug nose and managed to look at least cute. They were in their fifth year and she managed to grow up and out of that childish stage where she flirted like crazy and was carefree. Now she matured and she was ready to get into a serious relationship and he knew she wanted it to be him.  
  
*****  
  
Draco smiled at Pansy and tried to assure her that he loved her no matter how he acted. He told her that he had to maintain his BAD BOY attitude and she still had to be the same Pansy she was. Though she didn't understand why they couldn't just show the world that they loved each other she agreed because all she knew was that she had him and he loved her and that was all that mattered.  
  
He brought his face down to hers and kissed her full on the lips, hugged her and whispered, "Thanks for understanding." She smiled and nodded at him before entering the Great Hall where everyone was already eating. He grabbed her arm gently and pulled her close to him.  
  
"I love you.."  
  
In that moment her world stopped and everything she wanted was coming true, she felt that if she were to die at this moment she'd at least be happy. It's funny what those three words can do to a girl.  
  
She smiled and walked to the entrance of the Great Hall leaving him staring at her she turned and looked at him in the eye.  
  
"And I love you." she smiled, "Draco Malfoy." And entered the Great Hall.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Everyday before breakfast lunch and dinner we would talk outside the Great Hall and before we'd enter he would always tell me he loved me. Every Hogsmeade outing, though it seems as if I was all over him he knew every word I told him was true and though he pushed me away I knew he never meant those words but they would still hurt me from time to time. But sweet Draco knew I felt bad and he would always pull me aside and whisper he didn't mean those words and he'd kiss me and tell me he loved me no matter what he says. Then when we'd pass each other at the halls he would brush his fingers against mine and purposely bump into me to whisper 'I love you' in my ear. Everyday it was like that and every night we'd have our nightly walk to the lake and be back in time before Filch caught us. One night we were caught, rather he was. I still feel really bad that happened, though, he pushed me behind the lion statue and told me to wait there and when he and Filch left he said that I should go straight to the dungeons and not to worry. So I did I waited all night and it turns out that you were in detention that night too. He found me asleep on the couch and told me about how he has to spend detention with you for three weeks. I found it ridiculous and I pitied him, no offense, but I always wondered why you were in detention that night I mean you were a prefect and you were MUDBLOOD- KNOW IT ALL- Granger. No offense."  
  
"None taken," she whispered still shocked she didn't know what to say, for the second time in her life she was speechless, "I was in detention because I spilled fur ball potion on Filch's cat by accident."  
  
"Yeah okay whatever. Anyway. So those weeks gone by and Draco well he became distant and I hardly ever saw him he was either away doing a project or he was in detention with you." She said you like it was the worst thing ever.  
  
Since you came into his life  
  
He didn't love me anymore  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Draco." Pansy whispered putting her head through the door only to find Crabbe and Millicent making out. The two broke apart with Millicent looking over Crabbe's shoulder her lips red from kissing and her hair messed up, and her skirt hiked up her white thigh. 'eew.. I don't even want to know..' Pansy thought to herself.  
  
"He's at detention." Millicent whispered hoarsely and Crabbe pulled her into another long suction kiss. Pansy wanted to gag she could hear the wet sucking noises Crabbe and Millicent were making.  
  
"Oh. GUHROSS! Gross, gross, gross!" Pansy shook her head sticking out her tongue and made a gagging noise.  
  
She made her way towards the potion lab where Hermione and Draco were having their detention. She knocked on the door and put her head in to see Hermione was still there.  
  
"Draco." Pansy smiled at him and turned to Hermione, "Granger.."  
  
"Hey. well I'll see you around Hermione.." he smirked and walked towards Pansy.  
  
"Yeah see you Draco.." Hermione looked shocked, "See you around Pansy." She drawled.  
  
Pansy's head snapped up, raised her brow, "Oh.. I'll be around" she said emphasizing the Oh and I'll be. Hermione rolled her eyes, typical Pansy and not so typical Draco. Pansy sworn she heard Hermione sigh.  
  
"What's up with the Hermione and Draco thing?" Pansy asked curiously. She crossed her arms. Draco didn't stop walking so she pulled him to face her.  
  
"Nothing." he said looking at her, "We're just friends, luv, just friends." He said it but it sure didn't feel like it. He didn't look at her in the eye.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"and from then on, he was different they say he somehow turned away from being evil and I was really happy with that. I mean finally he'd get over the whole bad boy deal and stuff. But then I found out it wasn't me who made him change his mind, believe me we both did not want to be death eaters. We just wanted to settle down and give our children love we never had. Well. that was what he said until." Pansy's eyes had a glassy look in them and Hermione thought she saw tears coming.  
  
"Go on.." she put a hand on Pansy's shoulder.  
  
"l realized he was drifting, soon I was standing outside the Great Hall by myself and walking to the lake by myself and on Hogsmeade I went alone. I had began to accept that you were his friend until I realized all his ' I have to go to the library, we have a potion project' were not true, I thought how could I be so stupid to let this pass. I mean come on we both were in the same class with the same professor and we were always partners then I realized that he. he. he was falling out of love for me and in love with someone else. I vowed I would kick the pretty arse of the girl who changed the mind of the guy whom I was absolutely sure I was going to marry. So I did.. I went and destroyed your life, well I tried to. But the worst came out of my evil ridiculous plan, it taught me that love conquers all."  
  
At once I saw the change in him And when I found out why.  
  
"One night after four weeks of waiting for him he came up to me all drunk. I asked him what was wrong and he said that you and him had a big fight and I thought you were mighty mad about what I did to you that you went and blamed him. My plan had worked, but I wasn't happy. because he wasn't happy. He kissed me over and over and I thought I could never be anymore happy. Then he called out your name. I realized that his need for your love was far greater than what he needed from me. I made a vow that you guys would get together and he would be happy. But then I realized that I was the only one holding him back. So I did what I had to do.." by now she was crying.  
  
I realized the time had come For me to say good-bye  
  
~*~*~*~ Draco was sitting in front of the oak tree were Pansy and him used to go all the time. Pansy touched his shoulder lightly and he looked up at her smiling face. Her auburn hair was gathered up to one side of her shoulder with the sun reflecting on her face making her look pretty underneath the afternoon sun. She offered him her hand and he stood up to face her.  
  
"Pansy I." Draco paused he couldn't bring himself to tell her, he knew he was going to hurt her. Her light green eyes showed understanding, relief, assurance and worst of all pain. He couldn't bear to break her heart.  
  
"Draco, there's nothing you can do, my heart's already broken." She sighed as if reading his mind, his head snapped up and looked at her his eyes following the tear that ran down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb. She didn't shudder under his touch but she put her hands over his. He thought she was going to hold it there and kiss it but she pulled it gently away from her face and smiled.  
  
"Pansy.."  
  
At first it was so hard to let him go So hard to let him be.  
  
She shook her head gently and wiped her face with the back of her hand. She smiled sadly up at him and searched his face for a 'no don't leave me' and it wasn't there. Tears began to flow freely now down her face but she made no sound it was just tears and her silent breathing. She blinked them back and stared into his face again.  
  
It was only because of my love for him that I was willing to set him free.  
  
She turned him to face the lake and rested her head on his back with her arms around his waist. His hands were down at his sides but he didn't move. She listened to his breathing.  
  
"Pansy I.." Draco began. Yet she cut him off again.  
  
"Shh. watch the lake as the sun sets I'll cherish this moment forever. Just pretend for one minute that the world has stopped and it's only you and me. Draco just you and me. This is the last time I'll be able to hold you like this. I'll cherish it like a painting that will stay in my mind forever. Never moving, never fading." Pansy tiptoed and planted a long lingering kiss on his cheek from the back, she pulled away her arms still around him, he felt a tear fall down his cheek but it wasn't his. She rested her chin and he felt her sweet breath against his cheek, " I loved you, I love you, I'll love you and will always love you." He closed his eyes and turned to face her.  
  
"I loved you.." he whispered but she was already on her way back to the castle, her auburn hair blowing with the wind, her hands grasping her skirt, and she was shaking. To Draco it was the saddest picture he had ever taken in his mind.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
He told me that, friends we'd stay Best friends we could be.  
  
And though I agreed to what he said  
  
I knew it could never be.  
  
"Though we remained friends nothing was ever the same for me. I hardly ate, I didn't dress up, I didn't have the heart to do anything or talk to anyone. Days passed and it seemed to get lonelier. To pass time I was either in the library reading behind a shelf where nobody could find me or in my room crying my eyes out. I felt tired, I felt lonely." she sobbed, "I felt like I had nobody to live for."  
  
Hermione felt bad, like she had caused this girl some great pain she could never make up for, she felt as if this was all her fault.  
  
"Don't trouble yourself, it's not your fault, it's nobody's fault, it just happened and there is nobody to blame." She said wiping her face.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I could not take to be just friends with him Each day would tear me apart.  
  
Each passing minute that we'd talk  
  
Would end up breaking my heart.  
  
Pansy stared at herself in the mirror with her reflection staring back at her with light green lifeless eyes. Her straight auburn hair was dull and lifeless. She felt no need to brush it or dress up. Her eyes had dark circles underneath it and they were bloodshot and red. She pulled on her dark green sweater and put on her green plaid skirt and slipped on a pair of sneakers.  
  
"What happened to the sparkles your eyes used to have?" her mirror asked her.  
  
"The man I love took them away with him." She frowned and walked away tying her hair in a bun.  
  
Standing in front of the doors of the great hall, she took a deep breath knowing she'd find Draco with Hermione laughing his heart away. She gently pushed the doors open and sure enough she saw him with the trio happily eating his breakfast and looking all dressed up because it was a Hogsmeade weekend. Pansy of course wasn't planning to go, she thought it would be useless anyway. She walked over to the Slytherin and as the people greeted her she just shrugged them and walked to her usual sitting place.  
  
"Pansy?!? You look awful!" Blaise exclaimed eyeing her friend.  
  
"Don't I always?" she drawled carelessly grabbing a piece of bread and her mug she walked out of the Great Hall.  
  
"See ya around Pansy!" Millicent cried out waiting for her usual 'Oh. I'll be around reply.' all she got was the shutting of the great hall doors closing behind Pansy.  
  
**** Draco stared at his empty cup wondering why he was there in the Gryffindor table listening to Weasley's annoying stories about Quidditch. Not that he hated it, he didn't mind but it was just uncomfortable sitting with your past arch nemesis and his little happy group where your girlfriend is one of them. He stared at Hermione's rosy cheek and smiled, 'it was all worth it anyway.' he thought to himself. Just as he turned to look at the great hall entrance he saw Pansy walk in. She looked terrible as if life was sucked out of her and she looked really tired.  
  
Pansy's usual hair was always either in a neat ponytail with little clips to decorate or held back by a headband to match anything she wore, now she wore her hair in a messy bun with strands falling on her face. She impatiently tucked a stray strand behind her ear and passed the Slytherin table towards Blaise, she stared at Blaise hard, shrugged, grabbed a piece of bread and her mug and walked out the Great Hall. Millicent called after her and she just shrugged it off like it was an annoying wind and walked out of the hall.  
  
He rarely saw Pansy and noticed he only came to her when he needed help. Whenever he'd just see her in the common room reading, which she always does nowadays and which she never did before, he'd try to talk to her and she would just smile, nod and say 'gotta go. night' and walk away. She never dressed up and she always looked like it was her time of the month. She was hardly ever in the Great Hall for breakfast, dinner or lunch and she never went to the Hogsmeade outings. It was only then that Draco noticed that she was drifting away from the world it was like she was trying to cease to exist. He bent over and whispered in Hermione's ear that he was just going somewhere and he'll see her in class and that he loved her. She smiled and turned to him kissed him gently on the lips and whispered 'I love you'. He kissed her again, stood up waved good-bye to the two boys and walked out of the Great Hall.  
  
Pansy was nowhere to be found, he figured that she would be at their favorite spot by the lake and sure enough she sat there back straight looking out at the lake. He remembered the last time they were here together and it was almost three months ago.  
  
*** Pansy stared out at the lake it was still she observed silently to herself. The top of the water was so still that it looked solid and you could walk on it. She brought her knees to her chin unlaced her sneakers and dipped her feet into the cool waters of the lake praying that the lake will just open up angry at her for disrupting its peace and swallow her whole. She broke off a piece of her bread and tossed it into the lake and watched as ripples rose up and swallowed the bread and sink back down leaving bubbles. She wondered what was down there but she never wanted to see for herself.  
  
Pansy absolutely loved it there, because the place was so quiet and peaceful that she called it her sanctuary. Then the silence was broken by a familiar voice, her heart stopped and she didn't look back.  
  
"Pansy." he whispered softly.  
  
She didn't answer. He noticed her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows and saw that they were so thin that it looked like her flesh molded into her bones.  
  
"You don't eat." he said standing beside her trying to look at her face. She stared straight out to the lake.  
  
"I do.." she whispered defensively, "I'm just never in the mood.." she sighed and tossed her bread into the lake. She picked up her mug and held onto it tightly until her knuckles were white.  
  
"You should eat." he said trying to turn her face to him. She just stared out into the lake. A tear slid down her cheek hoping he wouldn't notice it. He did, "Why are you crying?" It was only then she faced him, her green lifeless eyes pierced into his twinkling luminous silver eyes.  
  
"Those twinkles in your eyes." she whispered sadly never removing her eyes from his, "They belong to me."  
  
He stayed silent trying to search her face. After what seemed like forever she spoke again.  
  
"Why does it hurt Draco?" she asked tilting her head a little to the left as if she was looking for an answer in his face, "Why does it hurt to be happy for you?"  
  
"I'm," Draco looked down and up into her eyes again, "I'm sorry I caused you this pain, but is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"  
  
She shook her head and stared at his face as if he were ridiculous, "I always told myself in the game of love if I lose, I'll just walk away, because I did all I could to make you love me again. there was nothing more to do.." a tear rolled gracefully down ear cheek and fell silently on her lap, " So Draco I'm going to walk away and never look back."  
  
"Pansy. please let me help you.." he pleaded grabbing her hand and squeezing it, she longed for his touch his arms and his warm body against hers, "if there is something I can do please tell me.."  
  
"No, the only thing you can do is love Hermione with all your heart, and treat her with the respect she deserves," she whispered as another tear fell down her cheek stopping on her lips, "in other words forget me and forget anything has ever happened to us." She gently pulled her hand away picked up her mug and walked away.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"But every time I was with him last year I tried to hide it, it was painful but to me it was worth every moment I spent with him." Pansy whispered, "Until that day, I told him and I ended our friendship right there on the same spot where we began. I told him I couldn't take it. But now I have to tell you just so you know that when Draco loves, though it seems as if he's careless, Draco loves with all his heart gives with all his heart and whatever words that come from his mouth come from his heart. You know why?"  
  
Hermione shook her head and wiped her the tears that threatened to come out of her eyes.  
  
"He was never taught how to love the way we were. We were loved by our parents and punished because they wanted what was best for us. Draco grew up in a family where the only thing that existed was hate and pain. That's why Draco was always so painfully honest. His parents, rather his father punished him because he only wanted what was best for him and not for Draco. Draco grew up to please his father and not himself." Pansy explained.  
  
"No wonder it was kind of hard for him to believe the way I felt about him and I knew though it hurt, I admit, I knew that it was too hard for him to leave you because you were the only one who truly loved him." Hermione whispered looking into her eyes, "But I just have to ask, I'm sorry if I'm being a prat. I don't mean to sound rude, but why are you telling me all this."  
  
"I don't think you want to know." Pansy breathed.  
  
"If you've gone through all this trouble trying to talk to me. You must very well have a reason why.." She stated.  
  
"I'm sick.." Pansy whispered as if it were a curse.  
  
"What has that got to.." Pansy cut her off.  
  
"I'm dying." Pansy said.  
  
Hermione put her hand over her mouth on instict and gasped, "What? How? Why?"  
  
"Adenocarcinoma it's a type of lung cancer." Pansy stated as if it was nothing, "don't worry I don't smoke, the doctors, yes muggle, said that I was exposed to uhm. what was that. pollution. When I was young I had pneumonia and since then my lungs were weak and plus I had asthma. Then a few months ago we went for a check up because I was having difficulty breathing and chest pain plus I was coughing out blood. It was then that we found out I had lung cancer and the tumor had spread to my knees, my bones and my laryngeal area. The tumor was then stated malignant and there was nothing we could do but pray for a miracle."  
  
"How long will you live?" she asked not knowing what to say.  
  
"We didn't ask or rather I told my parents not to tell me. If I die, I die." she shrugged. "I'm not scared, I've face the face of death many times. I'm just wishing, whoever that guy you muggles call God will accept me into his "KINGDOM""  
  
"I wish I could do something." Hermione said holding her hand out.  
  
"Hermione, don't you get it. It's eating me alive. Soon enough I won't be able to walk, or talk." Pansy looked into her eyes, "that's why I'm telling you this. Don't ever leave Draco, stand by his side and never leave him. Love him and take care of him for me. Promise me." she whispered. She handed Hermione a piece of paper stood up. Before she could go she turned to Hermione and whispered, "Thanks for listening to me." Hermione reached out and hugged her tears falling from her eyes.  
  
"I feel like I've known you forever." she hugged her tightly, "Thanks for loving Draco and teaching him what it is to love. He would have never been the loving caring boyfriend he is now without you. Somehow I think you are what brought him to life." She pushed her back, hands on her shoulders and smiled at her face streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"And you are what keeps him alive." Pansy whispered tears falling down her own. Hermione bit her lip and led her to the door. Pansy turned to face her and smiled wiping the tears from her eyes, "you are the epitome of the best friend I never had."  
  
"I'd like to be the best friend you've never had." Hermione smiled. She kissed Pansy on the cheek and whispered, " see you around."  
  
Pansy smiled, "Oh. I'll be around." And walked down the hall. Hermione watched her retreating figure until it disappeared around the corner. She opened up the paper that she held in her hand. She read it out aloud to herself.  
  
Hermione,  
  
I'd like to say a few words to you, Please listen for awhile. This concerns the man I love, The one who made me smile. He loved me once, not long ago, But that was just before. And since you came into his life, He did not love me anymore. At once I saw the change in him, And when I found out why. I realized the time had come, For me to say good-bye. At first it was so hard to let him go, So hard to let him be It was only because of my love for him, That I was willing to set him free. He told me that, friends we'd stay Best friends we could be. And though I agreed to what he said. I knew it could never be. I could not take to be just friends with him, Each day would tear me apart. Each passing minute that we'd talk Would end up breaking my heart. But with him I had to hide my pain, Though I might. I cannot stop these tears from falling, falling as I write. And if you ask me if I love him still I'll answer "Yes I do.." Yet it does not matter now since It's not me he loves but you. So I bring to you this message take care of him For me. Cherish him and guide him, For all eternity. Please don't tell him that I wrote this and that I love him so. Don't tell him that my heart is aching, I don't Want him to know. Do me a favor and love him tenderly, Please hold him close and kiss him, One last time for me.  
  
Always, Pansy  
  
Hermione stared at the paper and started to cry.  
  
"Hermione where's Pansy?" the familiar voice asked from behind her. Her eyes grew big and she turned to see those familiar silver eyes.  
  
"How long were you there?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Long enough." Draco whispered, "The poem part"  
  
"Draco.. I've never felt so hopeless in my life." She cried, " I don't know what to do." She sobbed. Draco pulled her into hug.  
  
"That's what I love about you, but why does she have to go and make you feel guilty." Draco asked demandingly, " Why does she have to do that, go and ruin peoples lives like that. You didn't do anything to her." He began muttering some curse words.  
  
"Draco no. you don't understand." Hermione pulled his shirt, "She didn't come here to terrorize me. She told me about how much you loved her and how much she loved you, I mean loves you. She's broken."  
  
"That was almost a year ago. She should've gotten over me ages ago." He looked into her eyes arms around her waist. He bent down and kissed her fully on the lips, "You know I love you, don't you."  
  
"Oh Draco." Hermione huffed, "That's not important right now." She crossed her arms and began biting her lip.  
  
'Oh it isn't? Isn't it?" he looked at her sneering with an eyebrow raised.  
  
"It is but it's not really the point."  
  
"Then what is?" he looked worried.  
  
"I don't know how to say this."  
  
"You're going to break up with me?" he looked as if he were about to cry.  
  
"No." she screamed and hugged him and kissed him, "I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"Pansy's dying.." she cried and rested her head on his chest trying to find comfort in his heart beat.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
A/n: Read and review. it's very sad. I cried . hehe. so should I continue this Pansy's feelings? Tell me what you want!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW.. Okay. I'm desperate. but at least I'm honest.. (  
  
WUV ALWAYS  
  
*fiSh* 


	2. Chapter Two

One Last Time  
  
A/n: OOOOooooOOOOhhhh I am oh so, oh so, glad! Oh. you made a girl happy! Thanks. *mwah* I hope you really do like this story. oh and I hope you like the poems too.. the poem here belongs to Kodye. I can very much relate to this sad poem. it's really depressing. ( The title of the poem is Depressed again. Reminder: poem 'thoughts' ~*~*~*~ flashback ~*~*~*~ ***break*** Disclaimer: I don't own anything just the plot. J.K Rowling does but I do not. The poem being used here does not belong to me But please review all the same to keep me a lil' happy (  
  
One Last Time  
  
Dying: The Confrontation  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
It's been a bad day I'm getting used to it now. Another sad day,  
I'd cry but I don't know how.  
  
Pansy stared into her reflection, as her own blank lifeless eyes stared back at her.  
  
"So ugly.." she whispered.  
  
She wanted to cry so badly, but when she thought back at what happened the night before, she cried in front of Granger, she hugged a Gryffindor and she in one night became a best friend to a mudblood. Her father always told her, a person who cries is weak, and it's okay to cry, unless you are weak. She wasn't weak.  
  
'I'm not weak, I'm not. I'm. I'm.' she thought to herself.  
  
"Hopeless." she sighed and tossed a rock into the lake watching her reflection ripple and fade away. She waited for the water to settle and when it did she stared into a familiar face. Those cheekbones, those lips, were all so familiar to her yet she forgot what it was like. She gasped and put her hand to her mouth.  
  
"Merlin's beard!" she shrieked to face Draco staring into his sparkling silver eyes, "You almost gave me a heart attack, blimey!"  
  
"Pansy. you've been keeping something from me." he whispered inching towards her.  
  
"I. Have. Not." She said emphasizing each and every word,  
  
"Yes." he put his hand one her arm, "Yes, you have." He inched one more step closer, she backed away as if his closeness was about to squeeze her shut. She felt dizzy, her sickness was slowly taking her over, minute by minute. She held onto the rock for balance and looked away.  
  
"I have, so what?!" she exclaimed, "Yeah so what? Why should you care? I mean. Hello? You didn't care when I walked away that day 11 months, three weeks, and two days ago, you didn't care because if you did you would have gone after me. You would have asked me to stay."  
  
"No. I did?!? You were so selfish Pansy that you locked yourself up and the whole world was there, watching you. So selfish that when I walk up to you, you tell me to forget anything happened between us. You were my life Pansy, I tried to make things work and you still pushed me away." He said a angrily, he took a deep breath and sighed staring straight into her hard green eyes.  
  
"You see. I was." she said softly, "I was your life. you are the one who's selfish, because I was the one who suffered! I tried to be happy and I wanted you to see that, but you have to come and smile at me like nothing ever happened between us. You are the one who's the selfish prat with an umbrella stuck up his arse. You are the one who's selfish! You think I don't know what you think about me whenever I talk to Hermione you always tell her quote on quote "Don't listen to that stuck up no good bitch" you think I don't hear you? I know you too well.. Now here I am standing in front of you while you already know that I. Am. Dying. And you are calling me selfish!"  
  
He was about to speak she cut him off, "I'm sorry I never was quite the angel that took your heart away, I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect girl friend, I'm sorry I did not make you happy enough to stay, I'm sorry I shut myself out. it was the only way to get out of this world, to get out of this pain" she started to cry, "I'm sorry for all the stupid stuff I said the past year, but you see. I'm not sorry for, ever, ever loving you at all. I'm not sorry for being in a relationship, the best one I have ever had well probably the only one, I'm not sorry Draco because I loved you, I'm sorry that up to now though you do not know, that I still love you." She was crying uncontrollably now she stared at him, "your eyes. my eyes, the twinkle is gone. you took them when you loved her. Now it's gone." She buried her face in her hands.  
  
Draco stared at the scene that unfolded in front of him. A whole year for her to admit what she had been keeping for a long time. She stood there her face buried in her hands, her body shaking, he reached over and touched her shoulder. She looked up into his face tears rolling down her cheeks, eyes sore and red. She was so sad, and he couldn't let her spend her last days on earth like this. Without another thought he pulled her into his arms, his body, shaking with concern and care. He hugged her so tight and never wanted her to let go for what seemed like a minute she finally got the strength to hug him back with much more strength than he did they stood there like that.  
  
"Pansy, you were my life and you still are along with Herm. I loved you because you were my life, I still love you now very much with all my heart. I love you Pansy. Just not the way you want me to." She released her grip and looked down her head leaning on his chest looking at her feet. She felt his chest rise up and down.  
  
"I know, I can feel it when I hug you, when I look at you even as you speak those words. I know, I have accepted it that you love her and not me, the only thing I can't accept is why I still love you." She looked up at him and brought her hands to his face. She touched his cheek lightly caressing it with her thumb, her hands were cold, soft and clammy. Her nails were neatly long and painted with clear nail polish. She moved closer to him and brushed his hair out with her fingers, she twisted it gently as if trying to remember those few nights they spent together. She closed her eyes and watched as vision of their time together flashed like pictures. Their faces were so close that he could smell her sweet watermelon peppermint breath on his face. She didn't move to kiss him, she moved as if she were a blind woman searching in a friend's face. She touched his soft lips and though she longed for it, she shook her head, she touched her own and sighed- eyes still closed. She brought it to his eyes, then his nose and then back to his cheek again. She opened her eyes, her green ones staring into his own, silvery blue ones. She tilted her head to one side.  
  
"Your eyes.." she tiptoed and when she was at eye level she moved so close to him that their lips were almost touching, he wanted to kiss her to make her feel better but she spoke, "So full of love. not for me. not for me. " she whispered her breath blowing into his face.  
  
"Pansy." he looked at her not moving.  
  
"Draco I can't get over it, get over us, everywhere I turn has a special memory even if it's short and pathetic it still has you in it" she whispered, "I memorize every place we went to and each and everything that happened. So precious to me, you know that?" she sighed and stepped back and back to her normal height. " Listen to me. I sound like a psychotic freak. I have to get in now.. It's cold and I have to rest."  
  
Draco pulled off his coat and wrapped it around her while drawing her in for a hug. Her tears wet his shirt and she looked up at him. "I want to do something, just the two of us. Next weekend, Hermione is not going to be here because she is spending the weekend with Potter and Weasley. Just the two of us." He looked down at her beautiful sad loving face. He kissed her forehead, "Take care now okay. I love you friend. Good night." He whispered and kissed her forehead again.  
  
"Yeah." she whispered, "friend.best friend." She said and walked back into the castle disappearing from his view.  
  
Pansy stared at the mirror long and hard thinking about what had happened awhile ago.  
  
I'm drowning in thoughts,  
Of how things used to be. My chest was shut tight,  
Complete with purity.  
  
She picked up her brush and began brushing it one hundred times like she used to. One her 98th count she was too tired, too weak, her bones ached. She walked over to her bed and lay down on the soft comforter and pulled the wool blanket over her up to her chin. For what seemed like an entire year she finally fell asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It's out in the open  
  
Should've kept to myself.  
  
I'll learn from my mistakes  
Take my heart off the shelf.  
  
Pansy stepped into her room, she just came from the hospital.  
  
"Adenocarcinoma, it's a form of lung cancer. It is said in your medical records that you had pneumonia when you were ten and you have asthma right? Well since you had asthma and then you had pneumonia, which therefore weakened your lungs. Then you, I suppose, were exposed to second hand smoking since both of your parents smoke. Your lung cancer metastasized, or spread, through the bloodstream or lymphatic system to your other tissues. More than 50 percent of people newly diagnosed for lung cancer already show signs of cancer elsewhere in the body." The doctor said smartly with his hands folded neatly on the table.  
  
"You mean the cancer has spread?" her mother asked worriedly.  
  
"Here is the results of the CAT scan she had a few weeks ago. We had her whole body done because, as you said that she had been coughing out blood and has been sickly for a few months now." The doctor handed her mother the few X-ray sheets he held in his hand, "as you can see here, this little white spot that is the tumor in her lung." He then pulled out another three and handed it to her mother, "These are her knee caps and this is her laryngeal area and her leg bones. It shows that the tumor, which came from the lungs, had spread. Don't worry this is a cancer of any kind but it will affect your child's walking, ability to stand and talk."  
  
Her mother began to tear, "is t-t-t-th-the-there anything. anything" she started to cry.  
  
"Mother." Pansy stated sternly. Embarrassed at the scene her mother was displaying.  
  
"If you told us earlier we would have, could have done the treatment. But since we did a Biopsy, we are regretfully sorry to say that your daughter's tumor is malignant. There is nothing we can do but hope for a miracle."  
  
"How long. how long will she live?" her father asked finally speaking up.  
  
"I prefer you guys would discuss this alone without me." Pansy spoke, "I bloody hell wouldn't like to know when I will be bloody dying. I wouldn't want to anticipate my death. Now if you will please excuse me, I will just go home now. Thank You." Pansy nodded her head and walked out of the office.  
  
'I'm dying' Pansy thought to herself. 'How can such a horrible thing happen to me'  
  
Pansy's world was turning upside down. The year has been awful, she lost friends, she lost the one she loved the most and now she was dying. For what seemed like a long time, she threw herself on her bed and cried.  
  
***  
  
My soul has now fled  
  
It's my body alone. It's far too much hurt,  
  
For my heart to come home.  
  
She stepped into the school, a new day, a new week, a New Year, and her last year in Hogwarts. Everyone was excited and anxious dying to know what will happen to them when they graduate, what will happen to them after they step out of Hogwarts, dying to know what will happen when real life begins. For Pansy, she was just dying, and her life was ending.  
  
She had been brushing her hair nowadays but she always tied it in a neat half ponytail. She wore no make up only lip-gloss, and she had changed her wardrobe. She always wore a plaid skirt in green with a white blouse underneath her perfectly ironed robes or flared tight fitting jeans and a loose green sweater with Pansy written in silver. She was so plain and she hadn't the need of anyone. She was always in the library reading or studying or in her room during free time. No one paid attention to her except for her fellow Slytherins, yet she didn't care. She liked the feeling of being alone. She was head girl that year and to her, serving the school was a better way to die. She chose to be "real" rather than be popular and superficial. She chose to be quiet and non-judgmental rather than loud and talked about badly. She chose to be kind and do stuff for others and die being remembered for the things she did for others rather than what she did for herself.  
  
She walked into the Great Hall to see Hermione and Draco flirting and holding hands, she couldn't take it. She sat next to Blaise, who wore a dark red blouse and plaid red skirt. Blaise was nibbling (not biting..) on her red nails.  
  
"Hey." Blaise smiled, "you look sick."  
  
"I am. thanks for noticing though." Pansy rolled her eyes. She pushed her plate away drank her juice stood up, "It's to sappy in here." She looked at Draco and Hermione, Ron and Lavender, Ginny and Seamus, Blaise and Mark, Crabbe and Millicent. This was all too much for a dying girl to handle.  
  
"See ya 'round Pansy!" Blaise shrugged and looked back at her boyfriend.  
  
"Oh. I'll be around." Pansy huffed and walked out.  
  
As Pansy walked out she pulled out her white hanky and coughed into it, spitting blood. She held onto the wall and felt like she was disappearing. She closed her eyes just for a second and sighed.  
  
"Parkinson?" she heard a vaguely familiar voice, "Are you okay?"  
  
"Potter?" she turned to see Harry Potter staring straight at her, "Yeah I'm fine."  
  
"No you are not. This past year you've been acting depressed. Everyone has noticed that."  
  
"Typical. You think you all know everything." She shrugged not noticing she dropped her hanky.  
  
"Parkinson. Wait you dropped your bloody hanky." Harry stared at it, "Blimey! Parkinson! Are you sick?" she turned to him and looked like she was about to cry.  
  
"Don't tell anyone. please. Harry I'm begging you." She cried grabbing his shirt her face close to his, "I'm dying, please don't tell anyone."  
  
"But you have to tell someone. Have you gone.."  
  
"Yes. we have gone to the muggle doctor there is no cure. Not even magic can help. Please promise me you won't tell. anyone." She begged.  
  
Harry hesitated and nodded while handing her the hanky back, "Why are you always alone?" He asked out of curiosity.  
  
"Sometimes being alone is a lot easier, because that way no one can hurt you." She wiped her eyes daintily and walked towards the lake. Harry shrugged intrigued at the thing that just happened to him. He sighed and walked into the Great Hall.  
  
He stood in front of Draco. He couldn't tell him, he promised. He just smiled and sat down trying to enjoy his breakfast.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hermione sat alone in front of the fire in the common room of Gryffindor. She was quiet wondering what Draco said to Pansy. Then she heard the portrait door creak open. Draco walked inside his face looked sad and depressed. Hermione stood up.  
  
"She's. dying. I can't believe it. She is dying." Draco fell to his knees and began to cry. Hermione couldn't stand to see him cry. She bent down and he rested his head on her chest listening to her heartbeat.  
  
"Oh God baby. I don't know what to do." Draco cried his body shaking,  
  
"Draco. shh. I don't know what to do either." Hermione admitted. She had to admit she did feel hopeless. Draco stared into her eyes and she smiled.  
  
He thought that it was his fault why Pansy was dying but he knew that somehow even if he did sound like a jerk, as long as Hermione was with him it was worth it.  
  
"Draco, I love you no matter what." Hermione kissed him on the forehead, "Go do what you have to do." She kissed him on the lips hugging him, never letting him go. He pulled away and looked into her brown eyes.  
  
"I love you and if I told you that I would be hanging out with Pansy for the next few days you wouldn't be mad?" Draco asked worried.  
  
"I'd be jealous but knowing deep in my heart how much you love me is enough to keep me satisfied." She chuckled. The next thing they knew they were on the couch, making out like they would never live to see each other again.  
  
***  
  
Pansy sat in the library, her headaches had been getting worse and her face was pale. Every time she would try to inhale she had to inhale real long and exhale real slow. She took her asthma pump put it on her lips and inhaled the bitter air. It helped her a little bit.  
  
She saw Draco walk in and she remembered the first time she saw him with Hermione.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Hermione." he whispered his face was so close to her, "I. I think. no I don't think, uhm. wait I do but what I mean is. no wait. yeah. oh blimey!"  
  
Hermione giggled, "What?"  
  
"I think I'm falling for you." he whispered his cheeks growing hot.  
  
"Oh. but would it change if I told you. I have fallen for you?" she said looking at the ground.  
  
"Oh. well.." Draco whispered, "I'm." he couldn't help it anymore he reached over and kissed Hermione on the lips after what seemed like forever she responded and pulled him close to her, her back against the wall.  
  
Pansy just sat there in the small dark end corner of the room, silent tears falling down her cheeks. 'Great. bad timing.' by that time Draco was leaning on the wall. Pansy stood up and walked silently out of the room trying hard not to get noticed. She looked over her shoulder and met Draco's silver eyes. She shook her head put her pointer finger to her lips as if to shush him and walked out of the door.  
  
Draco stared still kissing Hermione. 'What have you done?!?' he thought to himself.  
  
"Draco?" Hermione whispered, " I love you."  
  
"I love you too.." he looked into her eyes.  
  
"Does that mean we're official?" she asked blushing furiously.  
  
"Not yet." He whispered sadly, "I have some unfinished business." He smiled, "But in our way. yeah. I guess we are." and she smiled up at him. She stood on her toes and kissed him.  
  
"Night Draco. I love you." She smiled and walked out of the door. Draco followed, so many things crossing his thoughts but Pansy's light green eyes haunted his mind.  
  
***  
  
He walked out of the room to see Pansy's retreating back shaking furiously. He ran to her. She stopped dead on her tracks sensing him and he stopped just right behind her. She turned to look at him with tear stained cheeks.  
  
"I knew it. somehow I sensed it." She whispered, "I thought I was fooling myself. But I realized that too late."  
  
"Pansy. I just. I don't know what to do." Draco felt like he was about to cry, "When I see her I feel like I love her but when I see you I love you and then things just get mixed up from there."  
  
"Sure it does, but everyone can see it Draco." she said, "You've got it bad." and she sobbed uncontrollably, he reached to touch her shoulder, "No. please. I know who you are going to choose."  
  
"Uhm." he couldn't say anything.  
  
"You can't have two." Pansy whispered, "It's either one gets hurt from the three of us or all of us go down together, you don't want that so I'm offering. Let me be the one."  
  
"Pansy." he whispered, "I'm."  
  
"Shhh. can you hear that?" she asked looking straight into his eyes.  
  
"What?" he asked, worried wondering if Hermione made it to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
She put his hand on her chest where her heart was, "It's my heart breaking." she walked away not looking back.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Pansy!" Draco smiled at her, "What's up?"  
  
"Nothing just reading." she whispered and then coughed into her hanky spitting out blood.  
  
Draco looked horrified, "Pansy. I. oh my God?!?"  
  
"Hush it." she hissed, "No one knows and I like it that way. so just please."  
  
"I just can't watch you die like this. is there anyway?" she shook her head.  
  
"I'm dying.. You'll get over it, just like you did the last time." She whispered bluntly.  
  
"God Pansy. that hurt. that really hurt." He whispered.  
  
"God Draco don't start talking about hurt and shit because you know nothing of it." She whispered harshly and picked up her books, "Frankly I don't care anymore." And walked out of the library leaving her notebook behind on a page.  
  
Draco picked it up and read the open page.  
  
Depressed Again  
  
It's been a bad day I'm getting used to it now. Another sad day,  
I'd cry but I don't know how.  
  
I'm drowning in thoughts,  
Of how things used to be. My chest was shut tight,  
Complete with purity.  
  
It's out in the open  
  
should've kept it to myself,  
  
I'll learn from my mistakes  
  
Take my heart off the shelf.  
  
My soul has now fled  
  
It's my body alone. It's far too much hurt,  
  
For my heart to come home.  
  
I give it up now,  
  
There's no way to win.  
  
Without you here, My world still spins.  
  
It's been a bad day, I try not to let it show. Another sad day,  
And I'm just letting go.  
  
Pansy felt her bag trying to look for her notebook, "Oh! Dog gone it." she turned to make her way back to the library when she came face to face with Draco.  
  
"Can't we just talk without biting off each others head?" he asked the notebook in his hand. She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow, "look it would really mean a lot to me if we, you know start from scratch." She snatched the little notebook from his hands and gave him a fake grin.  
  
"And I'm supposed to say." Pansy said making a gesture with her hand holding the notebook.  
  
"Why, why is it so hard to make you believe me?" Draco asked reaching over and grabbing her elbow.  
  
"Because I did. Once and I'm afraid I'll get hurt again. You wouldn't want to have Hermione break your heart before you die now would you?"  
  
"That's a different thing." he began shaking his pointer finger at her face. She put it away from her face.  
  
"No it isn't. don't you get it Draco?" she huffed yanking herself from his grasp, "Think about it. you've only started talking to me when you found out I was dying. How am I supposed to believe that you actually care about me when the fact is the past year I had been disappearing from the world. Don't you realize? I am not the Pansy you used to know. Face it Draco it's too late. she's dead." She stared into his face as realization hit him.  
  
"I'm sorry Pansy I didn't know."  
  
"There that's right. you didn't know. You never knew!"  
  
"Would you at least let me finish my bloody sentences before you start jumping into things and telling me these things. I am asking. no I am begging you to at least accept my apology." Pansy hesitated.  
  
"Alright." she shrugged and walked away not knowing what else to say. The next thing she knew Draco was walking her to her head girl quarters.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
A/N: So what? Please keep those reviews coming.. tell your readers and you reader's to tell their readers to read this. please!!!!! It's the least you could do next to reviewing. I need to know. should Pansy die or some miracle happens that keeps her alive and she ends up happy with someone else? I need to know badly!!!!!!!  
  
Love always, Mrs. Ventimiglia ( 


	3. Chapter 3

Save Me  
  
Disclaimer: I know I don't own anything I wasn't born to lie But I am here writing But the plot is all mine And yes I know this is fiction I know this isn't true But please help me with your suggestions Oh yes I love reviews!  
  
A/n: hehe another depressing chappy but the next one is going to be happy because Draco is going to reminisce about Pansy but... uhm... shhh... I won't tell! ( haha anyway this poem is another nice one I got... it's called A Soul Saved, A Heart Broke by Morgan Le Fay.  
  
The Truth behind It All: Save Me...  
  
Pansy was sitting in her favorite and least favorite spot in the world. Favorite because it was where she fell in love and least favorite because it was where she lost it all. She buried her face in her hands as memories flooded her brain.  
  
This Juliet was bleeding  
  
her soul's bright fire dim  
  
in a life of sorrows  
  
it was sink or swim.  
  
Pansy stared into the vastness of her room, she hated it, it was so empty so plain, so blank. She hated her life, her parents expected so much from her, she was hated, and yet she felt the lack of attention. She felt too scared to sink and just let herself be drowned into this imaginary world where she was not herself and too tired to swim to shore to find her real self and be happy, yet she wanted this whole "SHIT" to be over with.  
  
She went down and passed the Great Hall, she didn't want to be seen, heard or bothered by anyone, and she just wanted to be alone. She walked out into the rocky spot where she sat and put her feet into the cold lake. She stared long and hard into her reflection when suddenly it became cloudy and familiar gray eyes looked into her own. She gasped and turned to see Draco looking down at her.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah... I-I-I-... I am fine.." she muttered still staring up at him, "Why?"  
  
"I just noticed you were hardly around these past few days." He shrugged, "is it anything you want to talk about?"  
  
He NOTICED?! He actually noticed me! she thought. "It's really nothing." She shrugged. Draco sat beside her, he was so close that their elbows were touching each other. She grew tense, he reached a hand over to her face and brushed off a leaf.  
  
"I insist, if that is okay with you.." he whispered his face so close to hers. She backed up a bit and blushed.  
  
"It's... it's... it's" she stammered, "It's nothing really.. I just feel like everyone hates me and they all think I am a bitch. They say I talk too much or rather that I am all talk and I am haughty and nosy. I am a gossip freak and a liar." She was on a roll, "I am a slut a whore, a tart, and guys think I am easy and they can get me into bed anytime and they say I am not a virgin... when I really am a virgin." She blushed at what she had said, "I guess I said too much."  
  
"No... it's uhm..." he stammered embarrassed either for the loss of words or the whole "V" thing.  
  
"It's?" she wrinkled her nose, Draco stared at her memorizing the way she smiled and wrinkled her nose.  
  
"It's okay." He shrugged and looked out at the view, "This place... it's so peaceful and so nice. And being here with you... makes it so perfect." He whispered. She looked at him, his perfect features, his eyes, his lips, his jaw, his hair, so perfect.  
  
She was quiet. He was quiet. And all they could hear was each other's heartbeats, so fast yet so steady, in rhythm.  
  
He felt her breath on his cheek, she seemed so close but so distant, she was different from the other Slytherin's but her face made her seem the same. He wanted to know her, he wanted to be with her and at that moment, where nobody could read his thoughts, he wanted her.  
  
She felt serene and calm and finally she felt as if she were complete. But she thought to herself what if she were to give him her heart would he take it away and never give it back? Would she lose something in hope to gain one in return? Or will she take the chance, the risk, to get hurt to love? Her thoughts were her own and nobody could take them, finally the question that clouded her mind as she looked at him, I want him, will he want me?  
  
After what seemed forever Draco felt a hand fall gently on his.  
  
"Thank you." Was all she said, but those to words meant everything in the world to him and it made him determined and confident.  
  
On the shore she saw him  
  
a Romeo, prince of the night  
  
against all odds she reached out  
  
and turned from garish light.  
  
Then he pulled her from the tide  
  
saved the dying maid  
  
she afraid to love him  
  
and yet by her side he stayed  
  
If patience were an award given at the Grammy's, then Draco would have won it all. He had been courting Pansy the old fashioned way, but nobody knew except the both of them. He sent her regular owls and gave her rose petals, he didn't want everyone asking Pansy where she had gotten the roses. All he needed was her answer and he couldn't wait, but he felt as if he were falling, falling in love with her.  
  
Pansy on the other hand was afraid to say she loved him but to scared to admit this even to her thoughts. She was afraid her heart would end up torn and broken just like the other girls. She didn't not know what to do, she couldn't consult Blaise or Millicent because faster than you can say "GOSSIP" the whole school will know. She had to make the decision on her own but she didn't know what to say, to choose, to think in other words she did not know what she wanted.  
  
No matter how hard it seemed Draco never gave up.  
  
with blind faith she followed  
  
into his shadow she fell  
  
seduced by black and velvet  
  
drunk of passion's spell  
  
a day spent long in bliss  
  
a moment meant so much  
  
and no more was this Juliet  
  
starved from love's sweet touch  
  
Soon Pansy couldn't take it, love overpowered her and she had nothing else to do but say yes. She wanted to anyway. She had agreed to their arrangement, where she was to look like a loyal girlfriend in front of their housemates and behind doors they'd do pretty much anything they wanted to do.  
  
Pansy knew what she had gotten herself into but yet she was scared all the same. Scared of the way things would end. She knew her love for him was too strong and though their relationship might end her love for him will go on.  
  
The days they spent together were timeless, sweet and special. She felt for the first time in her entire life, complete and loved. Little did she know that life and love took a twisted turn and she ended up breaking her little heart.  
  
then the darkness overcame  
  
in silence he left her there  
  
never saw her tears fall  
  
or heard her heartstrings tear  
  
left alone in pain  
  
once again she did bleed  
  
shackled by other's power  
  
longing to be freed  
  
All of this happened too quickly for her. She felt she had no longer any life left in her that it had been sucked out and stomped on and thrown into the very depths of hell. He couldn't say anything to make her happy and though she had made several attempts to get him back he ended up hating her all the more. He never knew what she felt and how she never slept because she would spend the entire night crying.  
  
Pansy felt all alone. Like she was chained to a wall in a dark room, once again she was torn and raw. She wanted to be free of him and his memories. She thought that the best way to forget him was to stay clear of him, though she tried everywhere she turned was just a reminder of how things used to be and she would always end her day in her favorite spot, by the lake.  
  
once again, yet time was short  
  
in twisted fate they met  
  
in shaded seconds spent together  
  
yet no where did they get  
  
again ripped apart by time  
  
and distance seals the fate  
  
now all this Juliet feels  
  
is pain, despair, and hate  
  
Once again he tried to make an attempt to be a part of her life before she dies. Yet he knew he wouldn't get anywhere because it would take years for her to forgive him for all he pain he put her through.  
  
Pansy stared at him, as he was lost in thought again. Her brain was getting those throbbing pains again and she groaned.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked her putting his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Ask yourself that." She shrugged off his hand, "you look pretty deep in thought to me."  
  
"I'm sorry..." he whispered, "I was just thinking why it seems like we are not getting anywhere."  
  
"You see..." she huffed and sighed, "This picnic is really a great thought you know... but the mood comes with the disease. Sorry, but you are either going to have to get used to it or march you pretty arse off this blanket." She shrugged.  
  
"I have a pretty arse?" he said looking over at his behind.  
  
"Figure of speech." She laughed and threw a strand of grass at him. He caught her hand and smiled at her.  
  
"It's been awhile.." he shook his head, "no... it's been so long since I've heard you laugh." He said looking at her.  
  
"Well there was not much to laugh about you know..." she sighed and leaned back against the tree's huge bark.  
  
He leaned back his head beside hers, "I'm sorry, I really am... for all the... no for everything I have done that has caused you pain. I really-"she hushed him.  
  
"I've forgiven you a long time ago. Even before you fell for Hermione." She whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
she cries without a tear shed  
  
she lives without a soul  
  
she curses the one she loves now  
  
for everything he stole  
  
"Pansy, you are the bravest and strongest and smartest girl I have ever met and seeing you here now. Tall and strong, it really amazes me. I know you hate me for the things I have taken from you. I just want you to know, that when we were together, I loved you with my heart, my soul, my mind, my body and every fiber of my being. Everything I did was for you. I know I made a mistake by not telling you how I felt first... it just came to fast."  
  
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "It really brings great relief to my literally bleeding heart and soon I won't be able to walk or talk, I want you to know. That this heart," she put his hand on her heart, "will always be beating for you and when I die, the beat will go on. Because Draco, no matter how many times I will tell you I will never get tired of telling you this, If you look into my weary eyes, you'll see I love you with everything I have and I love you as though I will never breathe again. And no one can't take this feeling away not even death." She whispered and kissed his cheek.  
  
A silent tear fell down his cheek.  
  
'I love you' she did long to hear  
  
but these were words he never said  
  
and now this Juliet lays weeping  
  
and wishes she were dead  
  
Pansy and Draco sat in silence each lost in their thoughts.  
  
Pansy was crying deep inside, she missed his lips and she longed for it to touch hers. But those lips would never be hers. She longed for him to tell her he loved her even just this once, but he was quiet.  
  
Now with his hand in hers, she was satisfied for awhile. But she knew his thoughts were elsewhere. Hermione was racing through his mind and there was no space for her to fit in. Though for the moment she felt peaceful but she felt more like Juliet with nothing but her HAPPY DAGGER, which she wanted to take right now and shove it through her bleeding heart. Of all the thoughts in the world, she wished she were dead.  
  
A/n:  
  
As usual... my usual... hehehe... ( please review... everyone... thanks bunchies for all the reviews.. I admit I'm a brat... I WANT MORE!!!!! ( mwah... I love y'all!  
  
Mrs. Diesel (Vin Diesel) ( 


End file.
